I want to be seen and be BIG! "Okay," said the Universe!
Last year, my mantra was “I want to be seen and be big.” I declared it in July during my last breathwork training retreat. Two months later I was asked if I would be open to having one of my classes filmed for the reality show “Shahs of Sunset” on Bravo TV. I couldn’t believe how quickly this opportunity manifested, but there was also a really loud voice inside of me freaking out and saying…”wait, but what if they make you look crazy, what if they make fun of what you do, what if they make your students look crazy, what if, what if, what if.”
Ever been in that place? Yeah, it’s that voice inside that means well, that’s trying to protect us (usually from something we don’t need to be protected from anymore) and that voice is sometimes so loud and strong that we listen to it and stay in the same place. Well, I chose to lean into that fear and trust that I wouldn’t be given this opportunity if it weren’t for my higher good. So we filmed it in September, and as you know things can get intense in breathwork…there was a lot of screaming, crying, major release and healing…which was awesome, but it also made that fearful voice really loud again…“oh no, they’re going to edit it to look insane.”
Fast-forward to May, when I found out that my class made it to the show’s premiere episode. “What?!?!? That’s exciting…oh no…wait, how did they edit it? What are people going to think? I’m sure they focused on the screaming.” For the last two months, the perfectionist and controlling part of me was majorly freaking out. To the point that I had decided I wasn’t going to tell anyone about the premiere until I saw it and knew it was safe to share. (And it’s also the reason my newsletter is late, sorry!) After teaching my class this Sunday and attending an intuitive meditation class, I had a tough and honest conversation with myself. How can I be frustrated that my practice isn’t bigger or that I don’t have more going on in my life, if when I’m given this huge opportunity and exposure I’m acting like it didn’t happen. How can I ask my students/clients to show up bigger in their life, if I’m holding back in my life? I need to push through that fear, thank it for trying to protect me, and let it know I’m going to be okay.
As soon as I got home I shared on social media about the premiere. I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to delete the post immediately…but instead, I took a deep breath, drank some champagne, and surrendered. And then I saw the scene and I was beyond happy with the results. Yes it looks a little insane, but it also looks intriguing and it shows it can help you release whatever is weighing you down and help you feel better. As GG from Shahs of Sunset said “om muthafuckas…om.”
Thank you so much for all your support and love. I am so proud of all the work you are doing, all the growth you are having, and all the love you are giving to yourself. Thank you for letting me be your guide. And I’m looking forward to shining and being BIG with each of YOU.
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Favorite Songs in June
1) Holding On - Gregory Porter
2) Either Way - Chris Stapleton
3) I am Light - India.Arie
4) I Promise - Radiohead
5) Coaster - Khalid
Golden Folk Wellness